Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
