The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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