coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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