Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
