My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
