His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
