i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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