Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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