So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
