I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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