Nicole vs. Life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
