I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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