The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
