Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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