i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
