I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
