isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
