Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
