The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
