I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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