Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
