Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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