so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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