Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
