Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
