we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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