We won't sleep together?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
