No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
