guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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