that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
