I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
