In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
