This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
