so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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