Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize