i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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