He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
