I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just puked most of my soul out..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
