ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
