yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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