Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
