Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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