The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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