is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
