It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
