i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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