Plan B is the new Plan A
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
