why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
