Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
