Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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