hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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