how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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