toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
