I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize