i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
