stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
