The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize