This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
