I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she told me i tasted like america
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
