The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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