Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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