okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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