She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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