It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
