I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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