No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
