Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize