dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
