one might say we're banned from that church
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sober January is a disaster.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
