Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Are we still banned from the library?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
