Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
