he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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