He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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